Maybe you can offer to watch your grandkids while your adult child looks for a job. Ask yourself: Is there something else I could do to help? Sometimes, you can offer another kind of help instead of giving money.Ask yourself: Will this money be used responsibly? Will help pay for something important or will it be used on frivolous items? Is it for something they need or do they just want it? Is your child following a budget? If your help will not be spent responsibly, then don't give it.Ask yourself: Will this money actually help? Is this a short-term crisis or a chronic condition? Is it a temporary or a permanent need? If your financial assistance will solve the problem now, then move on to question #3, but if it won't, consider helping them find other solutions.But if you can't afford to help them without damage to your own financial health, then just say no. If you have plenty of money, you might want to help them out, then continue to question #2. Ask yourself: Can I afford it? This should always be your first consideration.Questions to Ask Before You Give Money to Your Adult Child If that is what you believe, then you need to admit how you participated in creating the problem. Protecting a child from their own mistakes means that you do not think they can handle the situation on their own. If your child is headed down a dark path, you can be a light and an example, but do not save them from their consequences. Every parent wants to believe the best about their child, but it's your job to know the difference between fantasy and reality. They swear it will never happen again, and you want to believe. There is another very good reason to NOT hock the farm for bail: chances are that adult child is going to continue the behavior that put them in jail. If you bail them out of jail and put yourself in financial dire straits, you are teaching them that you will always be there to fix their problems and willingly suffer for their mistakes. They should be responsible for their actions. In our family, I have made it clear that if one of my children does something illegal, they better not call me. Even though he knows he is enabling this child, he refuses to stop and let his son feel the consequences of his actions. Why? A friend of mine repeatedly hocked his vehicles to keep his son out of jail for possession of an illegal substance. Many parents go as far as taking out loans to get adult children out of jail. ![]() After hearing the sob story about drunken driving, drug possession, or some other involvement in illegal activity, many parents will rush to bail their child out of jail. ![]() What to Do When an Adult Child Calls From Jail ![]() So unless you're paying the bills, you don't get any say in how your adult child conducts their life. For example, if you want your child to go to college, then offer to continue funding them while they do so (and if you don't want them to drop out of college, then make it clear that your financial support will end if they don't attend).
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